Revisiting January 2000 Journal Entries or Conversations with Myself

"Only through emotions can you encounter the force field of your own soul." Gary Zukav

1-1-2000
Picking up CONVERSATIONS WITH GOD - Book 2 by Neale Donald Walsch and reviewing Chapter 9 on education, I'm reminded that I have emphasized VALUES and CHARACTER over FACTS ... and continue to do so. In fact, my emphasis is (and has been) on AWARENESS, HONESTY, and RESPONSIBILITY ... and I have faced multiple challenges from students and parents quite courageously with an open heart.

Yes you have.

I've met parents who were exceedingly supportive and grateful for what I was trying to accomplish.

And you've learned many important things about yourself and others in addition to how things work.

Yes .. especially about being careful what I ask for and focus upon ... also about how what I resist persists. These experiences have changed me and opened my heart to remembrances and ways of being that I thought had been drummed out of me ... so I know of our Divine Partnership and I'm grateful for your compassionate forgiveness and infinite patience with me ... and with others. I'm ready to do as Gary Zukav suggests:

"Take your hands off the steering wheel. Be able to say to the Universe, 'Thy will be done,' and to know it within your intentions."

I've been here before ... over and over ... and though I sometimes forget in the midst of the craziness which inevitably follows such a declaration, I also know with certainty ... I am never alone. None of us is ever alone and we are each blessed by the ties that bind us in love. It's helpful to keep that in mind.

"Fear tells you, 'I want to make you safe.'
Love says, 'you ARE safe.'
Fear would walk you on a narrow path.
Love says, 'Open your arms and fly with me.'"
Emmanuel Book II

1-2-2000
Reading from Philip Yancey's book, THE BIBLE JESUS READ, I'm surprised at his assertion that people don't know what's in the Old Testament ... can't even get any of the Ten Commandments right, in fact substitute other ideas for them ... yet on the other hand, I realize that this could true ... for even though I've actually READ the entire Bible several times from cover to cover, I haven't committed many verses to memory as some people do. I do return to it regularly for guidance. Might this be what God wants us all to do ... revisit the history of human interactions with the Divine as told in story?

1-3-2000 Review IV - A COURSE IN MIRACLES
Lesson 121 - "Forgiveness is the key to happiness."
Lesson 122 - "Forgiveness offers everything I want."
Lesson 123 - "I thank my Father for His gifts to me."
Lesson 124 - "Let me remember I am one with God."
Lesson 125 - "In quiet I receive God's word today."
Lesson 126 - "All that I give is given to myself."
Lesson 127 - "There is no love but God's."
Lesson 128 - "The world I see holds nothing I want."
Lesson 129 - "Beyond this world is a world I want."
Lesson 130 - "It is impossible to see two worlds."
Lesson 131 - "No one can fail who seeks to reach the truth."
Lesson 132 - "I loose the world from all I thought it was."
Lesson 133 - "I will not value what is valueless."
Lesson 134 -"Let me perceive forgiveness as it is."
Lesson 135 - "If I defend myself I am attacked."
Lesson 136 - "Sickness is a defense against the truth."
Lesson 137 - "When I am healed I am not healed alone."
Lesson 138 - "Heaven is a decision I must make."
Lesson 139 - "I will accept At-one-ment for myself."
Lesson 140 - "Only salvation can be said to cure."

How interesting to read these reminders. The meaning of the terms have shifted with a willingness over time to to alter my perception and look for miracles in everyday happenings. I recognize how I've grown in the last decade by reframing my experiences. I see how I've risked courageously time and again. Through facing and embracing fears, I've watched them dissipate. My awareness of how things are and might be, expand continuously. Amazing bit of grace. Blessed Be

"Do not insist that the Universe comply with your understanding of it." Gary Zukav

1-3-2000
How amazing
to see a glimpse
of who I am
juxtaposed upon
who I was (and who I'm becoming)
... to realize
the only one judging me
is me
the only one limiting me ... is also ME.

I stand in my own way
and keep myself from doing
what I'd love to do
because I'm AFRAID
people won't like what I have to offer
even when faced with evidence to the contrary
for it's ME who finds myself wanting ...
falling short of expectation.

Others see me as
and overachieving dynamo
someone who does so much more
reading
writing
thinking
innovative teaching
paper grading with lengthy written responses.

Yet I see the things I don't do ...
cleaning and organizing "stuph"
healthy living and regular exercise
sending off written pieces to publisher
paying attention to what I eat
no longer presenting at workshops and conferences
sharing my truth as I once did with enthusiasm and delight.

So ...
can I begin to
accept myself just as I am?

Whenever you choose, certainly.

and can I take action proactively
remaining unattached to results?

Of course ... just make it a mindful priority.

1-3-2007 - today
I've changed much in the past 7 years. I eat healthily, walk regularly, belong to a gym to do weight training for bone density, I've retired from classroom teaching and explored a wide variety of interests from trading stocks to gardening with a bunch in between. I've framed and shared my "visual poetry" with others, had a couple of poems published, and now I'm blogging. As Dr. Seuss wrote in, "Oh the Places You'll Go ... "

"And when you're alone, there's a very good chance
you'll meet things that scare you right out of your pants.
There are some, down the road between hither and yon,
that can scare you so much you won't want to go on.

But on you will go
though the weather be foul
On you will go
though your enemies prowl
On you will go
though the Hakken-Kraks howl
Onward up many
a frightening creek,
though your arms may get sore
and your sneakers may leak.

On and on you will hike
and I know you'll hike far
and face up to your problems
whatever they are.

You'll get mixed up, of course,
as you already know.
You'll get mixed up
with many strange birds as you go.
So be sure when you step.
Step with care and great tact
and remember that Life's
a Great Balancing Act.
Just never forget to be dexterous and deft.
And never  mix up your right foot with your left.

And will you succeed?
Yes! You will, indeed!
(98 and 3 / 4 percent guaranteed.)"

KID, YOU'LL MOVE MOUNTAINS!

So ... that's where I'm headed ... to find mountains to move (or perhaps something simpler and more fun)?

Today at Small Reflections, I shared Dan Millman's 17 Laws That Change Lives taken from THE LIFE YOU WERE BORN TO LIVE as my 6th Thursday Thirteen post. As I reviewed them during the past two weeks (along with revisiting my journal from the turn of the century), the recognition of some significant differences of the past 7 years emerged, and it seemed timely to offer them to others who pass this way. So ... read them or not as you choose ... but do remember ... everything IS a choice.