Living For Ourselves(rather than trying to please others)
Yesterday's Daily OM message was on this topic raising the issue of realizing we're all too often trying to make the people in our lives 'happy' and stated the following:
"We may feel shocked or depressed by this information, but we can trust that it is coming to us at this time because we are ready to find out what it would mean to live our lives for ourselves, following the call of our own soul, and refusing any longer to be beholden to someone else’s expectations."The article went on to to make the point that if we were not 'mirrored properly' as children by our parents ... not 'honored as individuals in our own right with a will and purpose of our own' ... then we didn't learn to look within for approval, support, and direction.
"The good news is that the part of us that was not adequately nurtured is still there, inside us, like a seed that has not yet received the sunlight and moisture it needs to open and to allow its inner contents to unfurl. It is never too late to provide ourselves with what we need to awaken this inner being."The message in this Daily OM resonated with me greatly. For me, journaling daily has long provided me with 'a way in' ... an opportunity to access & validate that part of me in need of support, encouragement, and nurturing. As a result of my regular writing practice, I've learned to listen to myself while in the presence of others ... and decide for myself whether or not to participate in and/or abstain from activities when invited and/or encouraged by others.
"This experience of becoming is well worth the difficult work that may be required of us to get there. In whatever process we choose, we may feel worse before we feel better, but we will ultimately find out how to live our lives for ourselves and how to make ourselves happy."I believe I'm healthier for learning this type of discernment ... and I'm proud of myself when I'm able to follow through as I was today ... when I met friends for lunch but skipped the movie afterwards. I know that taking care of 'me' in this manner ultimately takes care of others I care for ... and I'm am grateful for this knowledge. I endeavor to 'mirror' others in my life more appropriately than I was mirrored myself.
Thought for Today
"It is the responsibility of every adult to make sure that children hear what we have learned from the lessons of life and to hear over and over that we love them." Marian W. Edelman
4 comments:
I've come to realize that we're not actually doing anybody any favors by trying to make them happy--ESPECIALLY at our own expense. For one thing, true happiness comes from within, and others can't figure that out if we don't let them. Also--what guilt on the others' parts! We've given up our happiness for them, so they better damn well make it mean something.
I've taken to repeating this little thought to myself: Martyrs don't have any fun--they just get burned.
We need to take responsiblity for our own happiness, and encourage others to do the same. And we need to do as the quote at the bottom says (and I believe this to be true for adults as well as children)--never let your family and friends forget how much they are loved, how truly precious they are.
Karen – You’re so right about that! Yet what a challenging lesson to learn and remember given the way so many of us were raised to ‘care for others’ at our own expense when we’re young. I love the mantra! I may adopt it myself because it’s so true. Here’s to taking responsibility for our own happiness … encouraging others to do the same … and reminding all who are precious to us that they are loved … just as they are! Thanks for your thoughtful comment.
Hugs and blessings,
I love this post and these quotes. Isn't it a wonderful thing to discover that if you didn't learn the first time around the art of self-nurture, that it's never, ever too late, and that the gifts are so wonderful that it is, definitely, worth all the effort to get there?
Enjoy your self-nurturing, ST :)
Sue – Why thank you! I’m doing my best each day … remembering it varies on any given day. LOL
Yes, I subscribe to the ‘better late than never’ theory and definitely believe self-nurturing to be well worth the effort … always. In addition, I appreciate 'support and encouragement' along the way. A cheering section is a wonderful bonus!
Hugs and blessings,
Post a Comment